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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26725276">random tf2 drabbles</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/erix_detergentt/pseuds/erix_detergentt'>erix_detergentt</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Team Fortress 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Attempt at Humor, Hijinks &amp; Shenanigans, Medical Procedures, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soldier talks in capslock, actually i just dont have anyone to beta me, how do i tag stuff, no beta we die like men, not really - Freeform, really platonic shipping</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:49:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,151</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26725276</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/erix_detergentt/pseuds/erix_detergentt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>random drabbles for -probably- rare ships i dont see in here, as well as other stuff that may come into my mind. may be updated in the future, who knows... (that also means that i'll update the tags with the new chapters, if they ever occur)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Engineer/Spy (Team Fortress 2), Medic/Soldier (Team Fortress 2), Scout/Soldier (Team Fortress 2)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Scout & Soldier</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>alright, so, basically this is the first time i ever post anything i write online and i don't even consider myself a writer (full-time artist right here) so please bear with me. any criticism is welcome!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He cautiously sniffed the contents of the bottle, wrinkling his nose at the strong smell of alcohol.</p><p>"WHAT'S THIS? NOT MAN ENOUGH TO TRY SOME ADULT DRINK? I ALWAYS KNEW SOMEONE AS YOUNG AS YOU ARE, SON, WOULD CHICKEN OUT. NEVER FIGURED YOU WOULD DO IT IN FRONT OF A TEAMMATE, THOUGH," - having a few before Scout, Soldier was enjoying himself teasing the youngest mercenary on the team, even if he would never admit it, covering everything with that army-talk crap.</p><p>"I am man enough! And I'm not a freakin' chicken!!" - Scout was getting tired of all the teasing, annoyed grimace on his face. Gripping the bottle tight and counting down three to zero in his head, he took a swig.<br/>
Few seconds passed. Soldier lowered his head, eyeing Scout suspiciously from under his helmet. Nobody knew how he really did that, but never questioned it.<br/>
Noticing something, he quickly declared:</p><p>"HEY! NO CHEATING ALLOWED UNDER MY COMMAND," - and slapped Scout's back.<br/>
Not expecting a sudden interaction, the boy gulped down the nasty thing, coughing afterwards. Shoving the bottle into Soldier's hands, he stood up and wiped his mouth.</p><p>"Ugh, what the hell man!" - all his presence said he was not amused by the situation, unlike Soldier who was now laughing out loud. The runner crossed his arms and averted his head.<br/>
"Ha-ha, very freakin' funny."</p><p>"YES," - grinned Soldier, "SO, HOW WAS IT?"</p><p>"Nasty! I don't get it why you people prefer it to Bonk! My stuff is so much better."</p><p>"WELL, TOO BAD! AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT YOU COULD TAKE A DARE SERIOUSLY-"</p><p>"Yeah-yeah, whatever," - he took the bottle back - ," just cuz' I had to back up doesn't mean I'm not a man of my word."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Scout & Soldier</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>for some reason i cant make the characters stop talking and just. DO SOMETHING. so here it is. more talking. not really happy with how it turned out</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Loud thumps and pants were heard from both mercenaries as they were running down the street. It was rather hard for Soldier to keep up with the runner, particularly because of the dizziness, which was caused by the beer he drank earlier that night. Finally catching up, he grabbed Scout's arm and yanked him into the nearest alley, receiving a little yelp from the man. He hunched forward, letting go of the boy, and tried to fix his breath.<br/>
Scout propped himself onto a wall, slowly sliding down to the cold floor. He cautiously looked outside, analyzing the street.</p><p>"Uh... why were we?.." - he looked back at Soldier, who was making his way to sit beside him.</p><p>"I DARED YOU TO GET DRUNK, THEN WE WENT OUT TO THE TOWN, AND THEN YOU CRASHED INTO SOME BOOZE STORE--"</p><p>"Irony."</p><p>"--WHICH MADE THE ALARM GO OFF."</p><p>"Oh... Oh! Right! So it's your fault!" - Scout jabbed his finger in Soldiers arm.</p><p>"YOU COULD JUST GIVE UP ON THE DARE AND DO NOTHING," - he crossed his arms, rubbing the aching area.</p><p>"No, I could not! You'd make fun of me then!"</p><p>"Affirmative."</p><p>"See? So as I said - your fault. I want an apology."</p><p>"NOBODY FOLLOWED US."<br/>
Soldier's words made Scout frown, who wasn't getting the point. Gears shifted in his head, resulting a question. "Then why did we run. Seriously."</p><p>"YOU GOT SCARED AND RAN AWAY. I WAS JUST FOLLOWING."<br/>
The merc wasn't too happy to be scolded by some whiny kid, who clearly wasn't discipled enough, but admitted - he really was kind of guilty. He should've known better, to not dare the brat to do the things that could get both of them into trouble. It was fine if it was just Scout who got into it, but not fine at all if he was affected too.</p><p>"You know, sometimes you are alright, but right now you're just bein' a jerk. I'm going back to the base. Screw you."</p><p>AND SO THE SCOUT LEFT, LEAVING THE POOR SOLDIER ALONE IN SOME FORGOTTEN ALLEY IN TEUFORT THE TOWN. THE END.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i just gave up on this in the end, honestly</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Scout/Soldier</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"NOW WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING IN HERE, PRIVATE." Soldier was towering over Scout, who was scribbling something on Soldier's locker door with the small piece of chalk.<br/>
Scout quickly turned around, slamming his back to the door with a loud thud, as if trying to hide something.</p><p>"Oh hey, uh, Soldier? I'm just... well I have the same question for you, pal!" He knew he had to think of something - there was no way he could explain why he drew a caricature of Soldier stomping an enemy Spy with his right foot, while kissing his damn rocket launcher right on his locker. The more he thought about it the more he questioned why did he even do that in the first place. Maybe it was some sort of a prank. Not funny at all.<br/>
The older man just gave him an unimpressed stare, already feeling that he was wasting his time with the little brat.</p><p>"THIS LOCKER IS MINE AND I CAN VISIT IT ANYTIME I WANT. AND IF YOU HAVE ANY COMPLAINTS YOU CAN SHOVE THEM RIGHT UP YOUR--"</p><p>"Alright! Alright I'll move!.. but ya hafta promise me you won't try to snap my neck if--"</p><p>"I WILL NOT GIVE SUCH PROMISE AND YOU WILL MOVE AWAY ANYWAY."</p><p>Grabbing Scout's shirt with both hands, he roughly dragged him away from the locker, just far enough to notice the little chalk drawing of himself on it. That made him stop immediately. Still holding Scout with one hand (much to the runner's annoyance), he moved closer to the locker and pushed up his helmet with his index finger and thumb.</p><p>"YOU DREW THIS," - this was more of a statement than a question.</p><p>"I— well... yeah! So what, gonna scold me for "acting like a kid"? I bet if, uh, Da Vinci's mom did the same, then we would never see those um... drawings by him... or statues or... whatever he made." Starting his rant loudly, Scout desperately tried to defend himself, honestly having no idea what or who he was talking about. (It just happened that he somehow knew about that one famous guy that lived a long time ago and was an artist or something, but now much more than that.)<br/>
To his surprise, Soldier let go of his shirt, and straightened up.</p><p>"YOU," - he pointed at Scout and then at the drawing, - "WILL CLEAN THIS OFF."</p><p>And before Scout could say anything, turned around and went for the exit. Then stopped, turned his head just so it was clear that he's looking and said:<br/>
"FINE ARTS SHOULD NOT BE PUT IN SUCH PLACES. TOMORROW YOU WILL DRAW THE SAME THING BUT ON PAPER SO IT COULD BE HANGED ON THE FRIDGE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE." He pointed at the boy again. "AND THAT IS AN ORDER!" - and finally left.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>finally, a drabble with which im somewhat happy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Medic/Soldier</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry, this one's a little short. sort of a little experiment in writing 1st person narrative. i think its a success, nonetheless. also the first time soldier talks almost like a normal human being, as in, not in all-caps</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Left-Right. Left-Right. The lights are swinging, my head is spinning, I'm slowly losing my consciousness.<br/>
A slap on the face. My left cheek burns, but I still can't focus my eyes on anything. A man says:<br/>
"Stay with me, it's almost over."</p><p>Oh, I know who this is. That damn Fritz. Playing his favorite role of a mad nurse again. Fine, I think. For some reason, I can't--</p><p>"Soldier, are you listening to me or not?"</p><p>Why can't he shut his mouth.</p><p>"Soldier, I swear, this is the last time I am getting you out of this condition. Either you stop drinking the lead-poisoned water that runs here, and drink the one Frau Pauling decided to provide us with, or it will be my responsibility to put you on a forced quarantine with a special diet. For your own sake and health, of course."</p><p>Nonsense. I'd be dead if I consumed something poisonous. And I'm not dead at all! Right?<br/>
He grabbed my arm, just above the elbow, and turned it so the inner side was out. A wet tissue followed. He is going to inject me with something.</p><p>"As I said before, my work is almost done. I do hope you won't make it pointless right away..." A pause. I close my eyes, tired of trying to see his face. I see bright dots, swimming under my eyelids. I hate this damn place.</p><p>"...Doc, what're yew goin' to do...?" I mumble out.</p><p>"Inject you with... something similar to pure caffeine, but without any positive effects. And before you start complaining. I must warn that any unnecessary movement will cause you trouble, so you better calm yourself down and prepare for the worst." He gently patted my shoulder. "I know you can handle this. Am I right, Herr Soldier?"</p><p>Yeah. He's right as hell.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>1. i do hope i used the German language here correctly.<br/>2. i do hope this seemed a little more complicated that it really is (aka more interesting to read).<br/>3. woo-hoo, time to update tags and i have no idea what to put there.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Engineer/Spy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i've been writing this for 3 weeks! and still didn't finish it!! whatever!!!!<br/>maybe i'll write a full oneshot with this plot in the future... maybe even a smutty one, too... who knows :3c</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"This is ridiculous."</p>
<p>"Yep."</p>
<p>"I will never ever agree to do such requests again."</p>
<p>"Sure. And this wasn't a request. Miss Pauling said we gotta do it - so we're doing it."</p>
<p>Spy gave him a hard stare.</p>
<p>"No exceptions, Spah."<br/>Engineer was fumbling with the cartridge, trying to push it back into the camera. The damn thing was old - and a rare one, too. The manual that Pauling sent him was in sad state; half of it was burned and stained with various liquids, origins of which were now unknown. Luckily for him, all the important stuff was still readable.<br/>Spy shifted himself, reaching for his cigarette case, not quite close enough to get it. Sighing with exasperation, he got up, despite Engie's instructions, and fished out a cigarette.</p>
<p>"You are struggling." He took a chair and put it next to the Texan, sitting down on it.</p>
<p>"I am— huff... not struggling— ugh!" Every half of the sentence was separated by a grunt.</p>
<p>"Clearly you are. Move."<br/>Not waiting for an answer, he pushed Engie's hands away, taking the half-shoven-inside cartridge out of the camera. Flipping it around, he traced its side with fingers, as if searching for something. <br/>Engie was curiously watching him.</p>
<p>"Engineur," - Spy opened the cartridge, not looking at his co-worker, - " if you'd be so kind..."- and pointed at the unlit cigarette between his lips.<br/>Without saying anything back, Engie got his lighter from the little pouch on his belt and lit Spy's cig.</p>
<p>"Merci beaucoup."</p>
<p>They sat like this in silence for a while, Spy working on a camera cartridge and Engineer watching him, taking mental notes for further use.</p>
<p>"You didn't sleep well, non?" A question. A harmless one, too. Something wasn't right. Engineer decided that he doesn't want to play along. Not yet anyway.</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"A question for a question?" - Spy's eyebrow perked up, and he threw a glance at the Texan. "Very well. Look here." he gave the cartridge back, finally relaxing his posture and throwing one leg on another. Not waiting for Engie's reaction once again, he stated: <br/>"It's empty. While i still hoped you would notice the unused photographic tape that was left on your workbench over there, it seems the simple exhaustion is much stronger than your self-discipline."</p>
<p>Well. That sure was embarrassing.<br/>Stubborn as he was, Engie got up, picked the tape and began impatiently screwing it into the cartridge. Finally succeeding, he slammed it back inside the camera, not caring in the slightest if the mechanism will get damaged by the violent treatment.<br/>"Y'know, if you weren't so damn difficult with deciding if you should just do what Pauling says without questioning anything or not, I'd get a much better sleep." He moved around the machine, correcting the settings on it.</p>
<p>Spy scoffed, breathing out another cloud of smoke.<br/>"In my field of work, labourer, that kind of behaviour might get me seriously injured, if not killed. And I expected you would understand it better than others, since I'm fairly sure you have to deal with the other company's spies on a daily basis."</p>
<p>And that's just how it went sometimes. Sometimes Spy wanted to be a tad bit more annoying, sometimes he was getting under people's skin just for the sake of pure personal pleasure, and not as a way to get info that his current side-work required. Most of the time everyone was okay with it, or at least wasn't complaining out loud; they were adults after all, simply telling someone they "hurt your feelings" was unprofessional. Except for Scout, o'course. He was a special case. And even then, it was more like a reason for him to talk shit not behind someone's back and rather right into their face.</p>
<p>But right now, it was Engie. Being a very patient man, it wasn't often for him to be openly frustrated by a teammate.<br/>He breathed in deep, his shoulders rising and falling down slowly. He was turning to face the Spy, a stern expression on his face: <br/>"Spah. This is just a gosh-darn photo for a <em>pin-up calendar</em>, so quit your--"</p>
<p>The Engineer froze mid-speech, mouth hanging open, but not betraying any sound or word.</p>
<p>The Frenchman leaned down in his seat and crushed the remains of what was a cigarette not so long ago by a somewhat dusty floor. Looking up in the eyes of the Texan, he smirked. He kind of missed this. Messing with the Engineer - be it... <em>his</em> Engie, or the one he worked with - well, it was amusing, to say the least. And... thrilling and life-threatening at most. Even with all-present realization of not being able to permanently die.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ah, i finally decided that it's time to rename the chapters to appropriate ships, so that it's easier for everyone to read the stuff related to the pairing they came here for.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Soldier, Engineer & Spy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>they talk again, and they talk a lot<br/>biggest drabble in this collection yet</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A very, <em>very</em> heated situation is what Engie witnessed when entering the kitchen. Just before he got to even say anything, Scout quickly jumped out of his seat and run past him. The other person who was still in there was Soldier. It was obvious that the two were arguing just now, as he was visibly pretty angry and only half-heartedly trying to hide that.</p><p>Sighing, Engineer made his way to the counter and leaned on it.<br/>
"Soldier?"</p><p>"..."</p><p>"What was that all about?"</p><p>And again - silence. Which was kind of concerning, since their usual fights always ended in, well, actual fights (or at least a little usage of power).<br/>
This time, though, Soldier was refusing to even complain about the kid's behaviour.</p><p>Engineer took off his hardhat and goggles, putting them next to him on the counter. Wiping his brow in thought, he decided that maybe he needed to take it slow... or at least reason the Soldier to not leave the situation as is.</p><p>"So... pardner. Ah know you two don't git along much, but you better remember that fighting next to someone who holds a grudge against you might be... a tad bit reckless."</p><p>Hearing that, Soldier turned his head in Engie's direction. His next words were oddly quiet; as if he was afraid of saying too much, only he was never afraid of anything.<br/>
"...are you saying that he will turn on me?"</p><p>"He <em>will</em> not turn on you, but he <em>might</em>."</p><p>The Texan moved closer and sat on a chair, which was previously occupied by Scout.<br/>
"Think about it - do you really want to make an enemy out of someone who <em>you know might be a threat</em>, or it's better to drown your pride and sincerely apologize?"</p><p>The older merc lowered his head, looking into the space before him. Engineer had to be honest - it wasn't often that he got to see his crazy co-worker be this baffled about such a thing. It did show that he was more human than all of them might think. Maybe there was more to this battered, almost psychopathic Veteran, always shouting and doing ridiculous things when no one is looking.</p><p>Rubbing the back of his neck and looking to the side, Engie suggested:<br/>
"Look, Ah ain't saying you must go and fix the mess between you two right this moment, but Ah can try to talk to the kid, if--"</p><p>"...no."</p><p>"What?"</p><p> </p><p>Nearly knocking over his chair, Soldier stood up, kind of startling the Engineer with the sudden motion.<br/>
"ENGINEER. DO NOT TALK TO THE SCOUT. I HAVE SAID SOMETHING I DID NOT MEAN, SO I AM OBLIGED TO APOLOGIZE BY MYSELF."<br/>
He tilted his helmet a bit backwards and looked Engie in the eye, big goofy grin on his face.<br/>
"... and THANKS FOR ADVICE, ENGIE. I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE SMART, BUT I DIDN'T THINK THAT YOU CARED ABOUT THAT LOUD-MOUTHED ROOKIE! I am leaving the kitchen now, goodbye Engineer."</p><p>He saluted the Texan and stormed out the room, leaving somewhat baffled merc alone with his thoughts.</p><p>That certainly wasn't the reaction Engie expected. Did he <em>really</em> seem like a cold-blooded person? He knew he was somewhat reserved, preferring to work on the battlefield alone, but...</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A sound of decloaking.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Hm. Interesting."</p><p>Of course. <em>He</em> was here, too.</p><p>"How long have ya been stalking them?" Engineer's tone was a bit annoyed, but really - he was just tired.</p><p>Spy walked out of the shadows, steps light and delicate as if he was a cat. Always sharp dressed, even on free days like today, it was like his whole presence was <em>made</em> to mock everyone around.</p><p>Flicking his cigarette with his fingers, he rounded the table and stopped near the Texan.<br/>
"Enough to hear what exactly made Scout run out like a wounded rabbit."</p><p>"So you mean..."</p><p>"Non. It might seem that I could 'ave stopped their little... <em>escarmouche</em>?"</p><p>"Skirmish."</p><p>"Yes, <em>that</em>. But if you heard it yourself, you would understand that, unfortunately, the problem at hand can be solved only by those involved initially, no... "third wheels". And yet, I must say I am a little impressed. Because even considering the current situation, you still some'ow succeeded in talking our mutual familiar out of feeling guilty to feeling guilty and actually doing something for redemption."</p><p>The Spy could go on and on, talk about the same subject but use different words to describe it for at least 10 more minutes, Engie suspected that. And he might have pretended to actually listen to what he was saying, but not this time. So, Engineer interrupted the rogue, gesturing his right hand up in a stopping motion.<br/>
"Look uh... Ah'd love to sit here and listen to ya "gab"," he motioned with his fingers, "some more, but Ah really have to go do mah darn job. Can't have Pyro be alone in mah workshop for too long, you know the reason."</p><p>He got up from the chair and put his gear back on. The Spy might have made a face at being interrupted, only he didn't see it while adjusting his goggles.<br/>
The assassin straightened his suit jacket, his tone falsely annoyed; some could've taken him seriously, but the Texan wasn't buying it.<br/>
"Fine. I'll just get to the point, then."</p><p>"<em>Sigh</em>. Alright. What's yer point?"</p><p>"You do know that instead of... <em>praising you</em>, I could 'ave just assumed that Soldier thinks of you that high because you're his "fellow american", and that all of you are actually just a hivemind of uncultured animals, obeying those who you assume are stronger. And yet... I 'ave said that you impressed me, labourer. You are free to consider this a compliment, just don't go bragging about it," he did make a face at <em>that</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>SORRY FOR BEING ABSENT FOR ALMOST HALF OF YEAR ;;<br/>my mental health went straight to hell right after the new year celebration, so it was difficult for me to even get out of bed for at least 2 months, not to question creating stuff<br/>thankfully now im a lot better, so maybe i will write more often (no promises!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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